Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
