saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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