Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
