Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
