im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A bitchslap is in order.
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