My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
