i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
