we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
