I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge