You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
