I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE