we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind