Nicole vs. Life
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.