Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
