chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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