I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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