stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize