How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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