If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
