I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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