Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
