im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
