i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
