im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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