Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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