The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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