I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
