That's intense
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's the barista slut.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
