Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
