He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize