I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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