I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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