it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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