Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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