ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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