i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im holly from the hills drunk
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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