angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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