I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
