sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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