just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
