My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's shark week go big or go home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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