I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
