he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sober January is a disaster.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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