just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
