between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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