I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No more Irish car bombs ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
