Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
