haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
