its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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