I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
