This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
