I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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