I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
