So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
