Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
