Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
