You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
