Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
