he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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