I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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