This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i think my cat just said my name.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
