I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
