the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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