Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
