There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
did you just send me my own nude
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
